Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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