cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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