i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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