you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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