we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
