While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
