Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
