she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
