I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
