pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
