If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
