im holly from the hills drunk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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