and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
