Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
