I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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