It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
