my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
