Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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