I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
