i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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