where am i from again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
