dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
