it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
