his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
