just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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