I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
