Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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