Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
