Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
