Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
