Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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