Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
