a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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