Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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