we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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