u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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