If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
