She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
