Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
