Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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