that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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