Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
