There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
