He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
