go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
