maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
