And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
