I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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