Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
