call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
