remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
