Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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