i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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