Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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