Ambien. No doubt about it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
