My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize