I wanna passion pit in your ass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
