Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
