So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
