ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
