well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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