Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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