im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My penis needs a shock collar
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
