True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
