it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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