we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
