I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Soap is not a condiment
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
