The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize