I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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