First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
