o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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