me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
