4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
