I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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