the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
