i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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