Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
