somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
