She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
