Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
