we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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