Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
