When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
