My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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