It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
