Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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