I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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