3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
