forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
