I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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