so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
