If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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